Finding Courage (Love's Compass Book 3) Read online

  She recognized a section of trees on the right that told her she was getting close. The fencing along the opposite side of the highway sectioned off McNeil land. She had to spot…

  There! The double gate ahead signaled her path. She slowed, flipped on her blinker, and waited for two cars to pass before she turned.

  A large wooden sign above the gate sported letters in white which read, “McNeil Farm.”

  The iron gates stood open. The pavement gave way to dirt and the tires created popping noises as they drove over bits of gravel.

  Avalon blinked against the early afternoon sun. It was almost always sunny in Yuma, Arizona.

  She released a lungful of air. She’d driven down this road many times, but this instance was different. She had no idea what waited for her at the end.

  She could only blame herself for that.

  Duke’s face came to mind and their argument echoed through her head. “If it’s that hard, then maybe we made a mistake.” She’d been so angry at him when she left, and his words visited her dreams for nights following her departure.

  The dirt road Avalon followed took a somewhat sharp turn to the right. Land on either side sported rows upon countless rows of lettuce popping up out of the rich soil. Furrows separated the rows, still damp from the most recent flow of water that kept the plants alive.

  When Avalon had set foot on McNeil land for the first time, it’d been only two weeks after she and Duke met. He’d held her hand in his much larger one, helping her leap across a wide patch of mud. When she landed, she found herself in his arms.

  Avalon could still picture how his eyes took on a brilliant green hue every time he watched her. The first time he kissed her was when she realized that color was reserved for her alone.

  She knew they were in love even then. But sometimes love wasn’t enough.

  Pushing her thoughts aside, Avalon watched as the rows went by, one by one. They were beautiful in their own way. Perfectly uniform and full of promised life.

  Her Nissan approached a fork in the road. The main house was to the right less than five minutes away by car. Duke’s parents and younger brother lived there. Panic rose in Avalon’s chest as she considered what they might say when they found out she was back.

  No. She couldn’t worry about them. Not now. Duke was her first — and solitary — concern. The mere thought of having to deal with his family caused a pounding in her chest while a headache formed behind her eyes.

  She prayed she wouldn’t run into anyone else on the road as she continued down the dirt road toward the smaller house. The one belonging to Duke.

  Their home.

  A lump formed in her throat and Avalon tried to swallow past it. There was no use. Once the house came into view, any control she’d gained over her racing heart disappeared. She didn’t see Duke as she pulled to a stop in the driveway.

  The white house stood tall with blue trim, doors, and shutters. The large covered porch in the front wrapped around the side. Earlier that fall, she’d purchased six flower boxes and placed them along the front, planting flowers in them to make the porch colorful. Blooms still extended from the boxes toward the sunshine. Duke must have watered them while she’d been gone. The thought embedded a small seed of hope in her heart.

  Her eyes flitted to the hanging porch swing.

  She’d been in awe the first time she’d laid eyes on the house and the beautiful swing. She and Duke had known each other barely a month before he’d driven her here. They’d sat on that swing together, Duke cuddling her against his chest. She’d marveled at the steady sound of his heartbeat as he’d explained that he owned the house and managed a large section of the land that stretched out before them.

  As long as she lived, Avalon would never forget when he said he wanted to share it with someone. He’d gotten down on one knee, held out a ring, and proposed to her.

  Nagging thoughts in the back of her mind warned it was too soon, but Avalon’s heart would not be denied. She said yes and Duke had lifted her into his strong arms and spun her around on the porch before kissing every last doubt right out of her head.

  Avalon caressed the ring on her left hand. Leaves traveled partway up the band on each side to meet at a flower in the middle. A small diamond sat nestled in the petals. It was still the prettiest ring she’d ever seen. They got married two weeks later on the fifteenth of July.

  The truth was, even then, she realized she didn’t know Duke or his family well enough. That’s why she’d refused to tell her family about the wedding. They would’ve tried to talk her out of it. It was a decision she’d regret for the rest of her life.

  With a heavy sigh, she climbed the stairs of the porch and approached the front door. She didn’t expect him to be home in the middle of the day. Most likely, he was out working the fields. She knocked, and when there was no response, she dug her key out and turned the lock. She peeked her head in. “Duke?”

  No response. She needed to find him before she lost her nerve.

  Duke told her the beginning of November was one of the few times of the year he was able to focus on farm upkeep. Avalon suspected he was out checking the fence and attending to anything that needed to be fixed. With twenty-five hundred acres, there was always something needing attention.

  Once she’d closed and secured the door, Avalon followed the porch around the side. The stylish brown and purple cowgirl boots she wore thumped down the stairs as she made her way across the yard to the garage in the back. Only one of the two four-wheelers remained. That meant Duke had taken the other one out.

  Thankfully, she’d driven them enough herself to be comfortable on one. She found the key hanging behind rags inside the garage and climbed onto the dark blue vehicle. She hesitated. The last time she saw Duke, he’d ridden one into the distance.

  She shouldn’t have left. But when he hadn’t returned after two hours, she knew they needed time. Even now, it seemed like a dream looking back at herself writing the note she left for him.

  Avalon spent a week in a hotel in Yuma, and then drove back home to Kitner, Texas. There’d been many reasons why she never told her family about the wedding. But she needed to talk to someone.

  It wasn’t until she stayed with her brother, Lance, that she’d been able to share the last few months of her life. With his help and comforting words, she realized what she was giving up. She came to the decision that the love she felt for Duke was worth going back for.

  At the tail end of her stay with Lance, it dawned on Avalon that there’d been more at play than her solitude or Duke’s mother.

  Avalon went to see a doctor to get her suspicions confirmed. She was pregnant with her first child. She rested a hand on her belly as though she could touch the tiny life growing inside her.

  She and Duke were having a baby.

  If she wasn’t willing to let him go before, she certainly couldn’t walk away now. She had to find him. To apologize for leaving like a coward and hope he’ll give them another chance.

  Avalon started the ATV, sped toward the nearest fence line, and followed it. She would run into Duke eventually.

  Her thoughts shifted to Duke’s mother. As soon as she heard about the baby, Loretta would accuse her of using it to trick Duke into staying with her. She might even suggest that Avalon became pregnant only to hold it over him and trap him in the marriage.

  Would Duke see it the same way? She prayed he wouldn’t. But then again, she hardly knew him. Their relationship was anything but stable, something she’d come to realize while she was gone.

  She wanted to pray — to ask God to help them somehow. But she couldn’t form the words. All she could do was hope that God could hear the need in her heart.

  A few minutes later, she spotted Duke’s four-wheeler parked near the fence. He was swinging a hammer as he secured a loose board. The blue shirt he wore stretched across the muscles of his chest and back as he worked.

  He must have heard her ATV because he paused mid-swing and turned as
his arm dropped to rest by his side. He never took his eyes off her as she stopped her vehicle, turned the engine off, and planted both feet firmly on the ground.

  Avalon took several steps toward him, trying to appear much more confident than she felt on the inside. Her pulse pounded in her ears and she clasped her hands together in front of her to keep them from shaking.

  She lifted her eyes to study his face. Those lips pressed together, forming a thin line. He had dropped his hammer to the ground near his tool box and crossed his arms like a shield in front of him.

  His eyes drew her in. Those gorgeous, expressive, hazel eyes. The gold flecks dominated the mix of color and she knew, without a doubt.

  Duke was angry.

  This wasn’t going to be easy.

  Lord, give me courage!

  Chapter Two

  The moment Duke spotted the form on the ATV, he recognized his wife — he knew that figure anywhere. He watched as she stepped to the ground, the dark jeans she wore showing off those long legs of hers. A yellow blouse hugged and flowed in all the right places.

  Even as his brain tried to make sense of her return, his heart drank in the sight of her.

  He crossed his arms and waited for Avalon to talk. He refused to be the one to break the ice. Not when she’d walked out on him. On them.

  “Hey.”

  It was one word, but it washed over Duke like a tidal wave. She had her hands clasped in front of her, spine straight. Her dark, blond hair fell in gentle waves to the middle of her back while stray sections caressed her face. Her eyes, a piercing blue that seemed to see right into his soul, stayed on his.

  “What are you doing here, Avalon?”

  She flinched as though he’d struck her. He suppressed the guilt that tried to claw its way to the surface.

  Her gaze never wavered as she lifted her chin. A determined woman, his wife. A big part of him wanted to step forward and gather her into his arms. He’d missed her more than he’d ever thought possible.

  “I never should have left. I’m sorry.”

  “No, you shouldn’t have.” He wiped beads of sweat off his forehead with the back of his arm.

  “Duke, I needed space.”

  His mind flashed back to that night. He had no idea how long he’d sat there, reading her note over and over again.

  Her reasons for leaving didn’t matter. The way she’d left was unacceptable. “No, I did. I left, and guess what? I came back that night. To find out my wife had disappeared.”

  “I needed to go somewhere else. To think clearly.” Her eyes begged him to understand, but he couldn’t. Not when he’d spent day after day wondering whether she was safe.

  “Eighteen days.” Anger built up in Duke’s gut. He took a step toward her. “I’ve worried about you for eighteen days. Two texts weren’t enough. Avalon, you never answered my phone calls. What was I supposed to think?”

  God knew he’d gone back and forth between worrying about the woman and being angry with her. Not knowing where she was had been the worst part. All kinds of horrible things had gone through his mind.

  At the end of each day, he’d lain in bed, his wife’s pillow under his head, and breathe in her scent. His arms ached to hold her. And all Duke wanted was to know if she was coming home again.

  Now, his prayers were answered. Avalon stood in front of him — healthy. And he had no clue what to do.

  He detected the slightest tremor in her chin, but she kept her back straight.

  “I know.” Avalon broke eye contact for the first time since she’d arrived. She scrutinized the ground, digging into the dirt with the toe of a boot. “I handled everything wrong.” She lifted her head again, her blue eyes boring into his. “If I had the ability to go back and change what I did, I would.”

  Duke wasn’t sure he believed that. “Why did you come back, Avalon?”

  “You’re my husband. I’m not giving up on us.”

  “Isn’t that what you did when you left?”

  Her eyes slid shut, and he watched as she inhaled slowly. When she opened them, her eyes brimmed with pain.

  “You said we’d made a mistake, Duke.”

  He’d known his words hurt her. But until now, he hadn’t realized how badly. “I didn’t mean it. I never should have said that.”

  “But you did. And I needed time to think through everything and decide whether you were right.”

  Duke couldn’t deny that was exactly what he’d done himself that night. The difference was, he’d been ready to face it and try to find a way to make it work. Avalon disappeared for almost three weeks.

  Would she react that way the next time they argued? He couldn’t take her leaving again. It’d nearly torn him in two. “And what did you decide?”

  “What we have together is worth fighting for.”

  Good. He hoped she meant it.

  He gave a single nod. “There’s more work here to do. I’ll meet you at the house at five. I’m supposed to eat at my parents’ tonight but I’ll call and cancel.”

  “Are you going to tell them I’m back?”

  “Not yet.”

  She returned his nod but didn’t move. She seemed to need more from him, but he didn’t have anything else to give. Not now.

  It took all of his strength to turn from her, retrieve his hammer, and go back to what he’d been doing. He could hear her hesitate before getting on the ATV, every cell in his body aware of the woman behind him. Only when it was in the distance did he hazard a glance, admiring how the wind blew her hair out behind her as she disappeared from view.

  Duke continued to repair the fence. The hammer hit nails hard enough to bury them into the wood in half the time it normally took.

  His mind kept running over their last argument before Avalon left and then how she appeared today. He could tell she was hurt. She’d stood there, strong, but there was vulnerability, too.

  He rammed the hammer down on the top rail of the fence, leaving a circular indentation. She was the one who walked out on him.

  His gut churned with a mix of dread and anticipation at seeing her when he got off work.

  The afternoon dragged. He’d already called and told his parents he couldn’t make it for dinner, claiming he didn’t feel well.

  Which was the truth.

  Duke spotted Avalon’s car in the driveway and swallowed past a lump in his throat. He parked the ATV and headed inside, sounds floating through the house from the kitchen. He headed upstairs to change shirts and wash up before dinner.

  When he came back down, he had to convince himself to go into the kitchen. There were way too many things left unsaid. He took a steadying breath and tried to ignore the tightening in his chest as he entered.

  Avalon worked in front of the stove, steam from a large pot creating a fog that swirled around her head. Whatever she had cooking smelled wonderful. He had to admit, other than the meals he ate with his parents, most of what he’d consumed since Avalon disappeared had been microwaved or canned.

  “It smells good in here.”

  Avalon whirled, a large spoon in her hand. “I didn’t hear you come in.” Her hair, pulled back in a loose ponytail at the base of her head, flowed to the middle of her back.

  A month ago, he would have kissed that space near her collarbone until she giggled. Now, he forced his gaze from her neck to focus on her face.

  Her expression was apologetic, her eyes uncertain. “I hope goulash is okay. There wasn’t a lot in the fridge or pantry to choose from.”

  “That’ll be great.”

  He didn’t know whether he should offer to help or get out of the way. He settled on gathering silverware and napkins for the table followed by two bowls.

  She scooped food from the pot into a serving dish and set it down in the center of the table.

  Duke waited for Avalon to sit before joining her. Normally, they would pray before eating. He caught her expectant gaze and took a steadying breath.

  “Lord, please bless this food to the
nourishment of our bodies. Thank you for watching out for us and for keeping us safe. Amen.”

  “Amen.”

  Avalon suddenly reached to free her hair from the band. She rarely wore it up unless she was cooking or working in the garden, which was fine by Duke. He liked the way it looked down, flowing in gentle waves around her shoulders. The shampoo she used made her smell like vanilla and oranges.

  He’d always loved that scent — uniquely Avalon.

  This train of thought needed to come to an end. Now. He scooped a large spoonful of food into his mouth.

  The combination of macaroni noodles, hamburger, and canned tomatoes tasted wonderful. It also gave him something else to focus on.

  They ate in silence — a heavy hush that threatened to suffocate them both.

  Avalon kept her eyes on her meal, eating a few bites of her food but leaving the majority of it sitting on the plate. Resting her fork on the table, she leaned back in her chair. He thought she wanted to say something, but she kept quiet. Maybe she was just as nervous as he was. Duke focused on the air filling his lungs. “Are you staying?”

  Her head snapped up, her gaze meeting his. “Do you want me to stay?”

  Maybe the better question was how he’d feel if she left again. There were a lot of things he wanted and even more that scared him. But thinking about her walking out that door made him cold all over. “I want you to stay. Things aren’t the same anymore, Avalon. I’m not sure how well we knew each other before, much less now.” He paused, willing himself to find the right words. “We need time to figure us out.”

  He reached for his spoon but didn’t pick it up. Instead, he rested his hand on the table top. The last thing he wanted was to jump right back into their relationship like nothing happened and have her leave again. He couldn’t do it. “You should stay in the master bedroom. I’ll move into a spare bedroom down the hall. We need to give ourselves time to figure out where we stand.”

  Avalon nodded, a mixture of sadness and hope showing on her face. “For how long?”